Reason 1: Wrong choice!

So you have done it again? Fallen for the wrong guy/girl and ending up in heartbreak or unhealthy relationship.

Here is what you need to learn:

Loving someone and wanting a relationship with that person are two different things!

Have you ever noticed that when you fall in love, you automatically assume you want a relationship with that person? That is a simple but potentially disastrous mistake … because it is not the same thing! And until you get this, you are destined to move from one unhappy experience to the next one.

Yes, the feeling of attraction and/or falling in love is wonderful. When you truly connect with another human being and see them for who they really are, it is easy to fall in love! This is a good thing in itself and connects you to the core of your being. LOVING someone is one thing, wanting a RELATIONSHIP with this person is quite another however! A relationship is more than just love, it is also a conscious decision for a suitable partner.

Because sometimes a person you love might be in a perfect phase of their life … has a mature and very well developed personality … with all the qualities you are looking for … is perfectly compatible with who you are … and is just the right partner for a spousal relationship. And sometimes (s)he is not. Which is why you end up heartbroken or in an unhealthy relationship with someone who is not good for you. Sound familiar?

Learn to make the distinction between loving someone and wanting a relationship with him/her and you will be able to love him/her to bits and pieces without wanting a relationship. When you are totally clear about that, you will be able to freely express whatever love you have for a person and be rewarded by all those amazing feelings and experiences that come along with simply loving someone without expecting anything. Just don’t automatically assume that you also want a relationship!

Your feelings for someone are one thing. The kind of relationship (if any) you will want with that person is quite another.

 

Reason 2: Wrong approach!

Are you looking for a relationship, that makes you happy, where you are treated like a prince(ss), your partner only has eyes for you, loves and values you unconditionally and is always there for you? If that is what you are looking for … your relationships will always end in disappointment. Always.

Here is what you need to learn:

Your relationships end in disappointment because your focus is on your needs. And let’s face it: Nobody likes to stick around needy people. Now note … I am not saying that you do not deserve all these wonderful things, you surely do. But this will be a result you create by how you are showing up in the relationship. And that will have to be from a giving space. Not a needy one.

So here is the secret:

A relationship is not a goal. It is a reward.

A reward you get for showing up real, authentic, honest, sharing and supportive while coming from a giving place. Creating a relationship is never about you, instead it is about being a contribution to a given partner.

Now many of you will tell me, you already are the one that is always giving and it is the rest of us that keep disappointing you … well, you are clearly living in fantasy land, my friend! And I mean it in the most loving and supportive way. What you call “giving” is conditional. It means you expect something (a certain behaviour of the other person) in return. Giving in order to get something is still “needy” and …. nobody wants to be around needy people.

Giving is only giving when it is unconditional. Only if there are no expectations on your side, your partner can receive freely. And guess what … if this is how you go through life, chances are that other people will start to show up in a giving way towards you as well. Now imagine a relationship where both partners are giving unconditional, without expectations …..

Congratulations!

Implementing these two important lessons will easily increase your chances of creating a happy relationship by at least ten times!

For more insights: Torsten Lueddecke